摘要：那是1995年，空气里还飘着煤烟味儿和一种叫“希望”的浮躁味道。

那是1995年，空气里还飘着煤烟味儿和一种叫“希望”的浮躁味道。

我在红星机械厂当电焊工，每天对着刺眼的弧光，把铁疙瘩焊成更结实的铁疙瘩。

三十岁了，没房，工资不高，长相丢人堆里找不着。

我妈天天唉声叹气，说老王家的香火，怕是要断在我手里。

她说：“建军啊，你就是太老实。”

我懂她意思，老实，就是没本事的同义词。

媒人张婶就是在这种时候找上门的，满脸堆着笑，像一朵熟过了头的向日葵。

“建军，给你介绍个好的。”

我心里没啥波澜，这几年，好的次的，见得多了。人家姑娘要么嫌我没钱，要么嫌我闷。

“谁啊？”我捻灭手里的烟头，一股廉价烟草的辛辣味。

“林惠。咱们南关纺织厂的。人长得，啧啧，跟画上似的。”

我心里咯噔一下，林惠？我听说过。

她男人是跑运输的，半年前出了车祸，人没了。

“张婶，你跟我开玩笑呢？”

“人家是寡妇，还怀着遗腹子。这不才……难找嘛。”

我沉默了。

一个寡妇，还带着个没出世的孩子。

这在95年，跟头顶上顶了个“麻烦”的牌子没两样。

“建军，你想想，你这条件，想找个黄花大闺女，难。林惠除了这事儿，哪点配不上你？人家还是高中生呢！”

张婶的话像小锥子，一下下扎在我心上。

是啊，我王建军图啥呢？

不就图个老婆孩子热炕头吗？

黄花大闺女看不上我，我现在有个机会，能一步到位，老婆孩子全有了。

孩子不是我的？

那又怎么样？反正都是姓王，养大了，不都一样叫我爹？

我心里有个声音在呐喊：王建军，你就是个废物，只能捡别人剩下的。

另一个声音却在说：王建军，这是你的机会，抓住它，你就有家了。

“我见见。”我说。

见面的地方在公园，老掉牙的套路。

她穿着一件洗得发白的碎花连衣裙，肚子已经很明显了。

她比我想象的还要好看。

不是那种咄咄逼逼人的漂亮，是安静的，像一汪水。眼睛很大，但里面没什么光，像是蒙着一层雾。

她看见我，很轻地点了下头，嘴角扯出一个比哭还难看的笑。

“王大哥。”

“你好。”我紧张得手都不知道往哪儿放。

我们俩就那么尴尬地坐着，听着旁边老头收音机里咿咿呀呀的京剧。

最后还是我先开了口。

“张婶……都跟我说了。”

她的肩膀抖了一下，头垂得更低了。

“我知道我这情况……给你添麻烦了。”声音细得像蚊子叫。

我看着她那个样子，心里忽然就软了。

什么撿漏，什么废物，去他妈的。

眼前就是一个走投无路的女人，一个快要做母亲的女人。

我深吸一口气，像是下了这辈子最大的决心。

“你要是愿意，孩子生下来，跟我姓。我当亲生的养。”

她猛地抬起头，眼睛里那层雾好像散了点，难以置信地看着我。

我梗着脖子，又重复了一遍。

“我王建军，说到做到。”

她的眼泪，一下子就掉了下来。

不是嚎啕大哭，就是那么无声地掉，一串一串的，砸在她手背上。

我妈当然是第一个反对的。

“疯了！你是不是疯了？咱老王家是缺德了还是怎么了？要去给别人养孩子？”

“你娶个寡妇就算了，还他妈是个怀着孕的！你让我的老脸往哪儿搁？”

我妈的唾沫星子喷了我一脸。

我一句话都没说，我知道说什么都没用。

我就那么站着，让她骂。

骂累了，我递过去一杯水。

“妈，我就认定她了。你要是还认我这个儿子，就点头。不认，我以后……也不回来了。”

我妈愣住了，举起手想打我，可那巴掌在半空中停了半天，最后还是无力地垂下了。

她哭了。

“我这是造了什么孽啊……”

厂里很快就传开了。

说我王建军为了个漂亮寡妇，连脑子都不要了。

“建军，你傻啊？那孩子生下来，谁知道像谁？到时候你天天看着，不膈应？”工友张胖子一边啃着鸡腿一边说。

“就是，万一以后那孩子亲爹家找上门来，你怎么办？竹篮打水一场空。”

我把扳手往地上一扔， clang一声巨响。

“都他妈闭嘴！我的事，不用你们管！”

他们看我真急了，才讪讪地闭了嘴。

我知道他们是为我好。

可他们不懂。

他们不懂一个三十岁的光棍，在无数个夜晚，对着空荡荡的房间，那种深入骨髓的孤独。

他们不懂，当我看到林惠点头的那一刻，我心里那种“终于踏实了”的感觉。

我需要一个家。

林惠和她肚子里的孩子，就是我的家。

不管这个家是怎么来的。

婚礼办得很简单。

就在我家那两间小平房里，摆了三桌。

来的都是些实在亲戚，我妈全程黑着脸，像谁欠了她八百万。

林惠穿着一件红色的新衣服，是我托人从上海买的。

她还是不怎么笑，但眉眼间，多了点活气儿。

她挨个敬酒，到了我妈那儿，端着杯子，怯生生地叫了一声：“妈。”

我妈没吱声，也没看她，拿起筷子夹了口菜。

林惠的手就那么僵在半空中。

我心里一抽，端起自己的酒杯，跟她的杯子碰了一下。

“没事，我替妈喝了。”

我一口干了，火辣辣的白酒从喉咙烧到胃里。

林惠看着我，眼圈红了。

晚上，我俩躺在床上。

新换的被褥，有股太阳晒过的味道。

我能闻到她身上淡淡的皂角香。

我紧张得像个毛头小子，心跳得跟打鼓一样。

她忽然翻了个身，面对着我。

“建军，谢谢你。”

“谢啥，以后都是一家人了。”我故作轻松地说。

“你会后悔吗？”她问。

“后悔什么？”

“后悔娶了我。”

我沉默了一会儿，伸手，小心翼翼地碰了碰她的肚子。

“不后悔。”

“从我决定娶你那天起，我就想好了。你，还有他，都是我的责任。”

我感觉她在黑暗中点了点头。

那一晚，我们什么都没做。

我就那么躺着，听着身边传来一个女人的呼吸声，感受着一个家的雏形。

我睡得特别香。

婚后的日子，过得像白开水，平淡，但解渴。

林惠是个好媳woman。

话不多，但手脚麻利。

每天我下班回家，屋里都收拾得干干净净，桌上摆着热腾騰的饭菜。

我的脏衣服，她从来不说什么，第二天就洗干净晾在院子里。

我妈一开始还横挑鼻子竖挑眼，但人心都是肉长的。

林惠每天“妈，妈”地叫着，给她端茶倒水，捶背捏肩。

时间长了，我妈的脸色也渐渐缓和了。

有时候我下班回来，还能看见她俩坐在一起，我妈教她织毛衣。

那画面，看得我心里热乎乎的。

我觉得我赌对了。

我王建军这辈子，做得最正确的一件事，就是娶了林惠。

我开始盼着孩子出生。

我买了好多育儿书，一下班就趴那儿看。

什么“新生儿护理”“科学喂养”，看得比我当年考中专还认真。

张胖子他们笑我，说我魔怔了。

“建军，你这爹当得，比亲爹还上心啊。”

我咧嘴一笑。

什么亲爹不亲爹的，从今往后，我就是他亲爹。

林惠的肚子一天天大起来。

她的情绪有时候不太好，会莫名其妙地掉眼淚。

我问她怎么了，她就摇头，说没事。

我知道，她心里肯定还想着她那个男人。

我也不好多问，只能笨拙地安慰她。

给她讲厂里的笑话，给她买巷口那家最好吃的糖炒栗子。

有天晚上，她又哭了。

我把她搂在怀里，轻轻拍着她的背。

“别怕，有我呢。”

她在我怀里，哭得更凶了。

“建军，我对不起你……”

“傻瓜，说这个干嘛。”我摸着她的头发，“都过去了。”

我以为她说的是她前夫的事。

我以为她是在为不能给我一个完完整整的开始而内疚。

我当时，傻得可以。

预产期快到的时候，我请了假，天天在家守着。

那天半夜，她突然喊肚子疼。

我一下就醒了，脑子一片空白，书上看的那些东西全忘了。

“生了！要生了！”我嚷嚷着，穿着个大裤衩子就在屋里乱转。

还是我妈镇定，指挥我叫了三轮车，把她送到了医院。

我在产房外面，坐立不安。

听着里面传来她一阵阵痛苦的呻吟，我的心都揪成了一团。

我这辈子，从来没觉得时间那么慢过。

张胖子也赶来了，递给我一支烟。

“没事的，女人都得过这一关。”

我接过烟，点了几次都没点着，手抖得厉害。

“哇——”

一声响亮的啼哭，像一道惊雷，劈开了产房的门。

我猛地站了起来。

护士抱着一个皱巴巴的小东西出来了。

“恭喜，是个男孩，七斤二两。”

我凑过去看。

小家伙闭着眼睛，嘴巴一张一合的，丑萌丑萌的。

我的眼泪，唰地一下就下来了。

我当爹了。

我王建军，有儿子了。

我给我儿子取名叫王天明。

我希望他的人生，能像天亮一样，一片光明。

林惠出院后，我妈彻底变了个人。

天天抱着孙子，嘴都合不拢。

“哎哟，我的大孙子，你看这鼻子，这眼睛，多俊啊。”

“建军，快去，给惠惠炖点鲫鱼汤，下奶。”

林惠看着我妈，也露出了久违的笑容。

那笑容，干净，温暖，像冬日里的太阳。

我感觉我的人生，在那一刻，圆满了。

我每天下班第一件事，就是抱儿子。

小家伙软乎乎的一团，身上有股奶香味。

我抱着他，怎么看都看不够。

“你看，他的眉毛像我。”我对林惠说。

林惠的笑容僵了一下，很快又恢复了正常。

“是吗？我怎么没看出来。”

“你眼神不好。”我得意地说，“不信你问咱妈。”

我妈凑过来看了半天。

“别说，这眉眼，是有点像建军小时候。”

我高兴得跟个二百五似的。

我甚至开始幻想，等天明长大了，我教他骑自行车，教他打架，带他去钓鱼……

我把他所有的人生都规划好了。

我以为，我就是这个世界上最幸福的男人。

直到天明满月那天。

满月酒，我下了血本。

在 neighborhood 最好的饭店订了五桌。

把厂里的领导、工友，街坊四邻，都请来了。

我要让所有人都看看，我王建un 不仅有老婆，还有儿子了。

我抱着天明，穿着一身新衣服，满面红光地在酒席间穿梭。

“王师傅，恭喜啊！”

“建军，你小子可以啊，儿子真胖乎。”

“来来来，喝一杯！”

我来者不拒，一杯杯白酒下肚，人有点飘了。

我感觉我站在了人生的巅峰。

林惠坐在主桌，抱着孩子，脸上也洋溢着幸福的笑容。

我妈更是，拉着一个街坊的手，炫耀着她的大孙子，嗓门比谁都大。

一切都那么美好。

美好得像一个易碎的梦。

酒过三巡，菜过五味。

饭店的门，突然被人推开了。

一个穿着讲究的中年女人，领着一个二十出头的年轻人，闯了进来。

女人一脸怒容，眼睛像探照灯一样在人群里扫视。

所有人都安静了下来，看着这两个不速之客。

我皱了皱眉，走上前去。

“你们找谁？”

女人的目光，落在了林惠和她怀里的孩子身上。

她三步并作两步冲了过去。

“林惠！你这个不要脸的女人！”

林惠的脸，“唰”地一下就白了，跟墙一样。

她抱着孩子的手，抖得厉害。

我脑子“嗡”的一声，赶紧挡在她面前。

“你谁啊？你嘴巴放干净点！”

“我谁？我是陈浩的妈！”女人指着我的鼻子，“你给我让开！我今天来，是来要我孙子的！”

陈浩？

这名字好熟。

我想起来了，是林惠那个死了的男人。

“你胡说八道什么！”我妈冲了过来，“他爹早就死了！这是我孙子！我们老王家的孙子！”

“你们老王家？”女人冷笑一声，笑声尖锐刺耳。

“你们也配？林惠，你自己说！这孩子到底是谁的！”

所有人的目光，都聚焦在了林惠 rashes 脸上。

她抱着孩子，浑身发抖，嘴唇哆嗦着，一个字都说不出来。

我的心，一点一点地往下沉。

沉到了一个冰冷的海底。

“妈，别说了……”旁边的年轻人拉了拉他妈的胳膊。

“我怎么不说！我就是要让所有人都知道，这个女人是怎么骗人的！”

“她肚子里的孩子，是我儿子陈强的！不是那个死了的陈浩的！”

“陈强答应娶她，是我不同意！我嫌她是个二手货！没想到她这么不要脸，转头就找了个接盘的！”

“今天我就是来告訴你们，我孙子，必须姓陈！你们谁也别想抢走！”

女人的每一句话，都像一把淬了毒的刀子，狠狠地扎在我心上。

我的耳朵里嗡嗡作响，什么都听不见了。

我只看到周围那些熟悉的脸。

领导，同事，邻居……

他们的脸上，写满了震惊、同情、嘲笑、鄙夷。

那些目光，像无数根针，扎得我体无完肤。

我感觉我的脸在燃烧。

我感觉我的尊严，被人狠狠地踩在了脚下，碾成了碎片。

我 slowly 转过身，看着林惠。

她脸色惨白，眼泪像断了线的珠子。

她看着我，嘴唇动了动，似乎想说什么。

我不需要她说了。

她的眼神，已经告诉了我一切。

原来，我不是捡了个漏。

我他妈就是个彻头彻尾的。

我是一个巨大的笑话。

我喉咙里发出一声不属于我自己的、野兽般的嘶吼。

“滚！”

我抓起桌上的一个酒瓶，狠狠地砸在了地上。

“都给我滚！”

饭店里一片死寂。

然后是桌椅倒地的声音，人们惊慌失措的尖叫声。

我妈尖叫一声，晕了过去。

那个女人还在喋喋不休地骂着。

我什么都听不到了。

我的世界，在那一刻，崩塌了。

我不知道那天晚上是怎么结束的。

我只记得一片混乱。

等我清醒过来的时候，我正坐在马路牙子上，手里攥着半瓶白酒。

夜风很凉，吹得我脸上湿漉漉的。

我不知道是酒，还是泪。

张胖子坐在我旁边，默默地抽着烟。

“建军，想开点。”

想开点？

我怎么想开点？

我像个傻子一样，掏心掏掏肺地对人家好。

我顶着所有人的白眼和嘲笑，把她娶回家。

我把她肚子里的孩子，当成我自己的命。

结果呢？

结果我就是个接盘侠。

是个替别人养儿子的冤大头。

我王建军这辈子，活得就像个笑话。

“他妈的！”

我把酒瓶狠狠地砸在地上，玻璃碎了一地。

“我要跟她离婚！马上离！”

“那个野种！我也不要了！让他们都给我滚！”

我嘶吼着，像一头受伤的困兽。

张胖as 叹了口气，拍了拍我的肩膀。

“离，该离。这种女人，不能要。”

“走，哥们儿陪你回家，把话说清楚。”

我摇摇晃晃地站起来，跟着张胖子往家走。

每一步，都像踩在刀尖上。

那个我曾经以为是天堂的地方，现在对我来说，就是地狱。

推开门。

屋里一片狼藉。

满月酒带回来的剩菜还摆在桌上，已经冷了。

红色的“喜”字还贴在墙上，刺眼得像血。

我妈躺在床上，哼哼唧唧的，显然还没缓过来。

林惠抱着孩子，坐在床边的小凳子上，像一尊没有灵魂的雕塑。

听到开门声，她抬起头。

眼睛肿得像核桃，脸上没有一丝血色。

我看着她，心里的恨意和屈辱，像火山一样爆发了。

我冲过去，一把揪住她的衣领。

“为什么？”

我咬着牙，从牙缝里挤出这三个字。

“为什么骗我？”

她不说话，就是哭。

孩子被我的样子吓到了，“哇”的一声大哭起来。

那哭声，像一把钻头，钻着我的脑袋。

“你他妈还哭！你有什么脸哭！”

“你告诉我！你从一开始就是算计好的，是不是？”

“你看我王建军是个老实人，好欺负，是不是？”

“你把我当什么了？傻子吗？冤大tou 吗？”

我的唾沫星子喷了她一脸。

她还是不说话。

那种沉默，比任何辩解都更让我愤怒。

我扬起了手。

我想一巴掌扇下去，把这张我曾经觉得无比美丽的脸打烂。

可是，我的手在半空中，却怎么也落不下去。

我看到了她眼睛里的绝望。

那是一种比死还难受的绝望。

我看到了她怀里那个哭得喘不過氣來的孩子。

那个我抱了一个月，亲了一个月，以为是我亲儿子的孩子。

我的手，无力地垂了下来。

心，疼得像被人用钝刀子来回割。

“我们离婚。”

我说。

声音很平静，平静得不像我自己的。

“明天就去。孩子你带走。我一分钱抚养费都不会给。”

“你和你的孩子，从此以后，跟我们老王家没有半点关系。”

说完，我轉身就走。

我一秒钟都不想在这个让我恶心的地方待下去。

林惠在我身后，发出了一声凄厲的哭喊。

“建军！”

我没有回头。

那天晚上，我在张胖as 家睡的。

其实根本没睡。

我睁着眼睛，看着天花板，一夜到天亮。

脑子里乱得像一团浆糊。

一会儿是她穿着碎花裙子，对我靦腆一笑的样子。

一会儿是她挺着大肚子，给我织毛衣的样子。

一会儿是她在产房里痛苦呻吟的样子。

一会儿，又是那个女人指着我鼻子骂我“接盘侠”的样子。

这些画面，像电影一样在我脑子里循环播放。

我感觉自己快要疯了。

天亮了。

我眼睛里布满了血丝。

张胖子给我煮了碗面。

“吃点吧。吃完了，哥们儿陪你去办手续。”

我没什么胃口，但还是逼着自己吃了下去。

人是铁，饭是钢。

我不能倒下。

我王建军，就算被人当傻子耍了，也不能像条死狗一样趴着。

回到家。

我妈已经起来了，坐在桌边，一夜之间，好像老了十岁。

看到我，她嘴唇动了动，想说什么，又没说出来。

屋里很安静。

林惠不在。

孩子也不在。

我心里咯噔一下。

“她人呢？”

“走了。”我妈的声音很沙哑，“天没亮就走了。”

“桌上有封信。”

我看到桌上，压着一张叠得整整齐齐的纸。

我的手有点抖，拿了起来。

是林惠的字，娟秀，但很多地方都被泪水晕开了。

“建军：

对不起。

我知道，这三个字，你肯定不想听。我也没脸说。

我是个骗子。我骗了你，骗了妈，骗了所有人。

我罪该万死。

我不知道该怎么跟你解释。

我跟陈强是真心相爱的。我们本来打算结婚了。

是他妈，嫌弃我家里穷，嫌弃我没文化，死活不同意。

她把陈强锁在家里，然后给他安排了去南方的工厂。

陈强走了。他走的时候跟我说，让我等他，他一定会回来娶我。

我信了。

可我等来的，不是他的人，而是我发现自己怀孕了。

我给他写信，一封又一封，都石沉大海。

我去找他妈，她把我骂了出来，说我不要脸，想赖上他们家。

我那个时候，真的想死。

我一个女人，怀着孩子，我爸妈死得早，我能怎么办？

就在我最绝望的时候，张婶找到了我。

她说起了你。

她说你是个好人，老实，肯干。

我动了不该有的心思。

我想，我得活下去，我肚子里的孩子，也得活下去。

我对不起你，建un。

我利用了你的善良。

我每天都在受煎熬。

每次你对我笑，对我好，给我买好吃的时候，我都觉得自己不是人。

我像个小偷，偷来了本不属于我的幸福。

我好几次都想跟你坦白。

可是我不敢。

我怕你不要我了，不要孩子了。

我太自私了。

满月酒那天，陈强的妈不知道从哪儿听说了消息，找了过来。

我知道，一切都完了。

我没有脸再见你。

离婚吧。我同意。

孩子我会自己带走。他本来就不属于你。

你是个好人，建军。是我配不上你。

你以后，一定会找到一个好女人的。

忘了我吧。

就当我从来没有出现过。

林惠。”

信纸从我手里滑落。

我一屁股坐在凳子上，半天没动。

原来是这样。

原来，她也这么苦。

可是，苦，就能成为骗我的理由吗？

我心里的恨，没有减少，反而多了一丝说不清道不明的烦躁。

“走了好！这种扫把星，走了干净！”我妈恶狠狠地说。

“儿子，听妈的，这事儿就当没发生过。以后咱再找个好的。”

我没说话。

接下来的几天，我像个行尸走肉。

按时上班，按时下班。

不说话，不笑。

厂里的人看我的眼神都怪怪的。

同情，惋惜，还有藏不住的幸灾乐祸。

我不在乎。

我把所有的精力都投入到工作中。

电焊的弧光，比太阳还刺眼。

我 staring at it, sometimes even without a mask.

I want the light to burn me.

I want the sparks to burn away the shame on my skin.

At night, I started drinking.

I used to drink, but not like this.

I drank until I was unconscious, until I couldn't think about anything.

Only in drunkenness could I get a moment of peace.

But when I woke up, the headache and emptiness were even more unbearable.

The house was empty.

There was no more the smell of soap on the clean clothes.

There was no more hot food on the table when I got home.

And there was no more the soft cry of a baby in the middle of the night.

It was quiet.

So quiet that it was suffocating.

I realized with horror that I was starting to miss it.

I missed the noise.

I even missed the cry of that child who wasn't mine.

I must be crazy.

I must be the biggest fool in the world.

One day, I got drunk again.

I staggered home.

I pushed open the door and yelled, "Lin Hui! Where's my fucking dinner?"

The room was dark and empty.

Only the moonlight shone in through the window, illuminating the dust in the air.

I stood there, stunned.

Then, I slowly slid to the floor, buried my face in my hands, and cried like a child.

I don't know how long I cried.

When I looked up, I saw my mom standing at the door.

She didn't scold me.

She just walked over, sat down next to me, and patted my back.

"Son, if you can't let it go, then go find her."

I was stunned.

"Mom, what are you talking about? She lied to us!"

"I know." My mom's eyes were red. "But these past few months, she's been a good daughter-in-law. The child... the child is innocent."

"Besides," she sighed, "I see you like this, and my heart aches."

"A woman with a child, where can she go? It's winter now. What if something happens to them?"

My heart was stirred.

Where could she go?

She had no family. She had no money.

And she had a baby who was only a month old.

The image of her holding the baby, shivering in the cold wind, appeared in my mind.

My heart clenched.

Damn it.

Damn me for being so soft-hearted.

The next day, I asked for leave.

I started looking for her.

But the city is so big, where can I find her?

I went to the textile factory, but they said she had resigned.

I went to the neighborhood where she used to live, but the neighbors said they hadn't seen her.

I was like a headless fly, running around in circles.

A week passed.

I was getting more and more desperate.

I started to regret it.

I shouldn't have let her go.

I should have locked her up, even if it meant fighting and arguing every day.

At least I would know she was safe.

That day, I was walking aimlessly on the street.

I passed by a bridge.

Under the bridge, there were some homeless people huddling together for warmth.

I glanced at them casually.

Suddenly, my eyes froze.

In a corner, a thin figure was holding a baby, curled up.

The figure was wrapped in a ragged quilt.

The baby in her arms was crying faintly.

My heart stopped beating.

I walked over, step by step.

My legs felt like they were filled with lead.

As I got closer, I saw her face.

It was Lin Hui.

Her face was pale and chapped. Her lips were dry and cracked.

She looked like she hadn't eaten in days.

She was so focused on coaxing the crying baby that she didn't even notice me.

I stood in front of her, my throat tight.

I wanted to say something, but I couldn't make a sound.

She finally saw me.

She looked up, her eyes wide with disbelief.

Then, her eyes filled with fear and panic.

She hugged the baby tightly, as if I was going to snatch him away.

"What... what are you doing here?" Her voice was hoarse and trembling.

I looked at her.

I looked at the child in her arms.

The child's face was flushed from crying.

My heart ached as if it was being squeezed.

All the hatred, all the resentment, all the grievances, vanished at that moment.

All that was left was an overwhelming sense of pity.

I took off my thick cotton coat and wrapped it around her and the baby.

She shivered.

I squatted down and looked at her.

"Let's go home."

I said.

Her tears streamed down her face instantly.

She didn't say anything, just nodded desperately.

I picked up the baby.

He was much lighter than before.

My heart ached again.

I helped Lin Hui up and walked home.

The journey was silent.

When we got home, my mom was waiting at the door.

When she saw us, her eyes turned red.

She didn't say anything. She just took the baby from my arms and said, "He must be hungry. I'll go make some milk powder."

Lin Hui stood at the door, not daring to come in.

"Come in." I said.

She bit her lip and walked in, her head bowed.

I boiled some hot water and brought it to her.

"Drink some. Warm yourself up."

She took the cup, her hands trembling.

That night, my mom cooked a table full of dishes.

She kept putting food in Lin Hui's bowl.

"Eat more. Look how thin you've become."

Lin Hui ate with her head down, tears falling into her bowl.

I didn't say much.

I just watched her.

After dinner, my mom took the baby to her room to sleep.

The room was quiet again.

Only the two of us were left.

"Why didn't you go to Chen Qiang's mother?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"I won't give my son to her. She will never be good to him."

"Then why did you leave?"

"I don't have the face to stay." She said in a low voice. "I lied to you. I don't deserve to be here."

I was silent for a long time.

"Lin Hui," I said, "I haven't forgiven you."

Her body stiffened.

"I know."

"What happened at the full-month banquet, I will probably never forget for the rest of my life. I became the laughingstock of the whole city."

"Every time I think about it, my heart feels like it's being stabbed."

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed softly.

"But..." I took a deep breath. "Seeing you and the baby under the bridge, I knew I couldn't leave you alone."

"I, Wang Jianjun, may be a fool, an idiot. But I can't watch a woman and a child freeze to death on the street."

"Especially a child I've held for a month."

I looked at her.

"The divorce papers, I'll tear them up."

"From now on, we'll live our lives. But you have to promise me one thing."

She looked up at me, her eyes full of hope.

"You are not allowed to lie to me ever again. Not for any reason."

She nodded desperately.

"I promise. I swear."

"And the child," I said, "His name is Wang Tianming. He will always be Wang Tianming."

"He will call me Dad. And you will tell him that I am his only Dad."

Her tears flowed even more fiercely.

She stood up, walked over to me, and knelt down.

I was shocked and quickly pulled her up.

"What are you doing?"

"Jianjun," she cried, "I'll be a good wife to you for the rest of my life. I'll be your beast of burden. I'll do whatever you want."

I sighed.

"Get up. I don't need a beast of burden. I need a wife."

"I need a home."

Life went on.

But something was different.

The story of my full-month banquet had become a well-known joke in the city.

When I walked on the street, I could always feel people pointing at me.

"Look, that's the fool who's raising someone else's son."

I pretended not to hear.

But at night, those words would echo in my ears.

Lin Hui became even more silent.

She did all the housework, took care of me and my mom, and took care of the child.

She was so careful, so cautious, as if she was walking on thin ice.

She never dared to look me in the eye.

There was a wall between us.

A wall of deception and shame.

I tried to break it.

But it was too hard.

Sometimes, when I looked at Tianming, I would have a fleeting thought.

He doesn't look like me at all.

His eyes, his nose, his mouth... they're all from that man named Chen Qiang.

Every time this thought came up, I felt a sharp pain in my heart.

I would then get angry for no reason.

I would find fault with Lin Hui.

"Why is the food so salty today?"

"Why are my clothes not washed clean?"

She never argued back.

She just lowered her head and said, "I'm sorry. I'll do better next time."

Her obedience made me even more frustrated.

I wanted her to fight back, to argue with me.

But she didn't.

She was paying her debt.

And I, like a cruel creditor, was tormenting her while tormenting myself.

One night, Tianming had a high fever.

He cried and cried.

Lin Hui held him, her face full of anxiety.

"We have to take him to the hospital."

I was in a bad mood that day, having been ridiculed by my colleagues again.

"What's the rush? It's just a fever. Give him some medicine and he'll be fine." I said impatiently.

"But he's burning up!"

"I said it's fine!" I yelled.

Lin Hui was scared by my yelling and didn't dare to say anything else.

In the middle of the night, Tianming started having convulsions.

We were both terrified.

We rushed him to the hospital.

The doctor said it was pneumonia caused by a high fever and if we had come any later, it would have been dangerous.

Looking at Tianming in the hospital bed, with an IV drip in his small hand, my heart was filled with remorse.

What was I doing?

I was taking my anger out on a child.

An innocent child.

Lin Hui sat by the bed, her eyes red, not saying a word.

I walked over and sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry." I said in a low voice.

She shook her head.

"It's my fault."

"No, it's my fault." I said, "I'm a bastard."

I looked at Tianming's sleeping face.

"Lin Hui, we can't go on like this."

"If we keep this up, this family will fall apart."

She looked at me, her eyes full of confusion.

"I know I haven't forgiven you. And maybe I never will."

"But the child is innocent."

"From now on, let's stop torturing each other. Let's try to live a normal life. For Tianming's sake."

She looked at me for a long time, then nodded slowly.

From that day on, I tried to change.

I stopped drinking.

I stopped losing my temper.

I tried to smile at her.

I tried to treat Tianming as my own son, without any reservations.

It was hard.

But I had to try.

Because I knew that if I didn't, I would lose this family completely.

And this family, even though it was built on a lie, was all I had.

Time passed, day by day.

Tianming grew up slowly.

He learned to crawl, to stand, to walk.

He called me "Dad" for the first time.

The sound of that "Dad" was so clear and sweet, it melted my heart.

At that moment, I suddenly felt that it didn't matter who his biological father was.

He called me Dad.

And that was enough.

The wall between me and Lin Hui was still there.

But it was no longer as cold and hard.

Sometimes, when I saw her playing with Tianming, a gentle smile on her face, my heart would stir.

I realized that I was starting to fall in love with her again.

No, not again.

It was a different kind of love.

It was a love mixed with pity, responsibility, and a shared past.

It was a love that was not perfect, but it was real.

When Tianming was two years old, something happened.

Chen Qiang came back.

He came to our house one day.

He was tall and thin, with a sallow complexion. He looked like he had been through a lot.

He stood at our door, looking at Lin Hui, his eyes full of guilt.

"Huihui, I'm back."

Lin Hui's face turned pale.

I was standing behind her, holding Tianming in my arms.

My heart was in my throat.

The day I had been dreading had finally come.

"What are you doing here?" Lin Hui's voice was trembling.

"I'm here to take you and our son home." Chen Qiang said, his eyes turning to Tianming.

"He's not your son!" I stepped forward and shielded Lin Hui and Tianming behind me. "His name is Wang Tianming! He's my son!"

Chen Qiang looked at me, his eyes full of complicated emotions.

"I know. I know everything. My mom told me."

"Huihui, I'm sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn't have listened to my mom. I shouldn't have left you."

"I've been looking for you for two years. I finally found you."

He knelt down in front of Lin Hui.

"Huihui, come with me. Let's start over. I'll be good to you and our son."

Lin Hui looked at him, her body trembling.

I could see the struggle in her eyes.

After all, he was the man she had once loved with all her heart.

He was the father of her child.

My hands were cold.

I felt like I was back at the full-month banquet, being judged by everyone.

I waited for her decision.

It was like waiting for a death sentence.

Tianming, in my arms, seemed to sense the tension. He hugged my neck tightly and called out, "Dad."

That "Dad" was like a shot in the arm.

I looked down at the child in my arms.

I had raised him for two years.

I had changed his diapers, fed him milk, and coaxed him to sleep.

I had taken him to the hospital when he was sick.

I had taught him to call me Dad.

He was my son.

No one could take him away from me.

I looked at Lin Hui.

"Lin Hui, you choose."

"If you want to go with him, I won't stop you. But Tianming stays with me."

My voice was calm, but firm.

Chen Qiang looked at me in disbelief.

"He's my son! Why should he stay with you?"

"Because I'm his dad!" I roared. "Where were you when he was born? Where were you when he was sick? Where were you when he needed a father?"

"I was the one who was there! I'm his dad!"

Lin Hui looked at Chen Qiang, then at me.

She looked at the child in my arms.

Finally, she took a deep breath.

"Chen Qiang, you go."

Her voice was calm.

"It's all in the past. I'm Wang Jianjun's wife now. Tianming is his son."

"We're living a good life. Please don't disturb us."

Chen Qiang was stunned.

"Huihui, are you crazy? He's just a welder! I have a business now! I can give you a better life!"

"I don't want a better life." Lin Hui said, "I just want a peaceful life."

"And he," she looked at me, her eyes shining with a light I had never seen before, "he gave me a home when I was at my most desperate."

"He gave my son a father."

"I will never leave him."

Chen Qiang looked at her, then at me.

He finally stood up, his face full of despair.

He laughed bitterly.

"I see. I see."

He turned and left, his back looking desolate.

After he left, the room was silent.

I looked at Lin Hui.

She was also looking at me.

For the first time, there was no fear, no guilt, no distance in her eyes.

There was only a deep, unwavering affection.

That night, for the first time in two years, she came into my arms on her own initiative.

She hugged me tightly.

"Jianjun, thank you."

I hugged her back, my heart filled with a warmth I had never felt before.

"Silly girl, we're husband and wife. What's there to thank?"

The wall between us, at that moment, completely collapsed.

In 1998, the factory was restructured.

I was laid off.

The sky seemed to fall down.

I had been a welder for half my life. I didn't know anything else.

I became irritable and depressed.

It was Lin Hui who supported me.

She took out the money she had saved over the years and said to me, "Jianjun, don't be discouraged. Your skills are so good. Let's open our own welding shop."

I looked at the money, which was all crumpled small bills.

My eyes turned red.

With her support, I opened a small welding shop on the street.

At first, business was slow.

But because I was skilled and honest, I gradually gained a reputation.

Life got better and better.

We moved out of the old bungalow and bought a commercial house.

Tianming went to elementary school, then middle school.

He was a smart kid and always got good grades.

He was very close to me. He would tell me everything.

Sometimes, he would ask me, "Dad, why don't I look like you at all?"

I would smile and pinch his nose.

"Because you look like your mom. You're both good-looking."

He would then laugh happily.

I never told him the truth.

I think some secrets are meant to be kept for a lifetime.

It's not about deception.

It's about protection.

I want my son to grow up in a happy and complete family.

I don't want him to be burdened by the mistakes of the previous generation.

As for Chen Qiang, we never saw him again.

I heard that he went south and his business failed. He was heavily in debt.

I didn't feel any joy.

Everyone has their own destiny.

Now, it's 2024.

I'm almost sixty.

My hair is gray.

My welding shop has become a small processing factory.

Tianming graduated from university and works in a big city. He's very promising.

He got married last year. His wife is a nice girl.

They said they would have a baby next year and let us take care of it.

Lin Hui and I are old.

She's no longer the beautiful young woman she used to be. There are wrinkles at the corners of her eyes.

But in my eyes, she's still the most beautiful.

We often sit on the sofa, watching TV and talking about the past.

She would say, "Jianjun, if I hadn't met you, I don't know what would have happened to me and Tianming."

I would hold her hand and say, "If I hadn't met you, I would still be a lonely old bachelor."

We both know that our beginning was a mistake.

It was a lie.

But we used the rest of our lives to correct that mistake and turn that lie into the truest love.

Life is like this.

It's full of twists and turns, full of imperfections.

But as long as you have love in your heart and responsibility on your shoulders, you can always find your own happiness.

Even if that happiness was picked up.

来源：小模型数学