摘要：Romantic relationships are viewed almost universally as one of the most important milestones in life, which all people should achi

A Good Predictor of Romantic Success

浪漫关系成功的良好预测指标

Research on finding love: Success depends on your reasons for looking for it.

寻找爱情的研究：成功与否取决于你寻找它的原因。

Updated September 19, 2025 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

更新日期：2025年9月19日 | 审核人：Lybi Ma

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Romantic relationships are viewed almost universally as one of the most important milestones in life, which all people should achieve at some point or another. For some, this is a great motivator; for others, this instills a sense of pressure.

浪漫关系几乎被普遍视为人生中最重要的里程碑之一，所有人在人生的某个阶段都应经历。对一些人而言，这是巨大的动力；而对另一些人而言，则带来了一种压力感

That said, not all people pursue romantic relationships for this reason alone. There’s even a growing population of individuals who aren’t inclined to search for a partner at all.

话虽如此，并非所有人都仅出于这个原因而追求恋爱关系。甚至有越来越多的人根本就不打算寻找伴侣。

These differing motivations (or lack thereof) were researcher and lead author Geoff MacDonald’s main inspiration in a May 2025 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. More specifically, he sought to uncover which motivations were associated with greater and faster romantic success — if any at all.

这些不同的动机（或缺乏动机）是研究员兼主要作者杰夫·麦克唐纳在2025年5月发表于《人格与社会心理学公报》的一项研究中的主要灵感来源。更具体地说，他试图揭示哪些动机与更大、更快的恋爱成功相关——如果有的话。

The Different Motivations For Romantic Pursuit.

追求浪漫的不同动机。

To assess what motivates individuals in their pursuit of a relationship, MacDonald developed a 24-item questionnaire. In total, the measure assesses six core categories of motivation, all of which stem from Self-Determination Theory.

为了评估个体在追求恋爱关系时的动机，麦克唐纳设计了一份包含24个问题的问卷。该问卷总共评估了六大核心动机类别，所有这些类别都源自自我决定理论。

In the initial study of over 1,200 single adults, MacDonald and his team were able to associate these different motivations with a host of personality traits:

在针对1200多名单身成年人的初步研究中，麦克唐纳和他的团队成功将这些不同的动机与一系列人格特质联系起来：

Intrinsic motivation. Pursuing a relationship simply because it feels enjoyable, meaningful, or fulfilling. These individuals seek a partner because they genuinely love connecting and sharing their lives with someone else. The study showed these individuals to have secure attachment styles and stronger social goals, as well as a greater interest in committed relationships (versus casual ones).

内在动机。仅仅因为感觉愉快、有意义或充实而追求一段关系。这些人寻求伴侣是因为他们真正喜欢与他人联系和分享生活。研究表明，这些人有安全的依恋风格和更强的社会目标，对忠诚的关系（与随意的关系相比）也有更大的兴趣。

Identified motivation. Pursuing a relationship because it strongly aligns with one’s life goals and personal values. In most cases, these individuals seek a partner due to how highly they value the ideals of companionship and family. These individuals had similar attachments, goals, and romantic interests to those of intrinsically motivated people.

确定动机。追求一段关系，因为它与一个人的生活目标和个人价值观高度一致。在大多数情况下，这些人寻求伴侣是因为他们非常重视陪伴和家庭的理想。这些人与那些有内在动机的人有着相似的依恋、目标和浪漫兴趣。

Positive introjected motivation. Pursuing a relationship to feel proud of oneself, more competent, or even validated. These individuals might seek a partner for the sake of feeling admired or accomplished, simply for having one. The study found these individuals to be more prone to anxious attachment styles, as well as the fear of being single.

积极的内省动机。追求一段关系，让自己感到自豪，更有能力，甚至得到认可。这些人可能会为了感到被钦佩或有成就而寻找伴侣，仅仅是因为有一个。研究发现，这些人更容易产生焦虑的依恋风格，以及对单身的恐惧。

Negative introjected motivation. Pursuing a relationship to avoid feelings of guilt, shame, or inadequacy. For these individuals, failing to find a partner equates to failure — or makes them fearful of judgment from others. Unsurprisingly, these individuals were also prone to the fear of being single, as well as anxious attachment styles.

消极的内向动机。追求一段关系，以避免内疚、羞愧或不足的感觉。对于这些人来说，找不到伴侣就等于失败，或者让他们害怕别人的评判。不出所料，这些人也容易害怕单身，以及焦虑的依恋风格。

External motivation. Pursuing a relationship because others expect it of them, or for the promise of a reward. These individuals may seek a partner due to pressure from their families, or for the sake of having financial or social security. They, too, were found to have anxious attachments and fears of singlehood.

外部动机。追求一段关系是因为别人期望他们这样做，或者是为了得到回报。这些人可能会因家庭压力或为了获得经济或社会保障而寻求伴侣。他们也被发现有焦虑的依恋和对单身的恐惧。

Amotivation. No clear desire (or reason) to pursue a relationship at all. These individuals may feel completely indifferent to the idea of finding a partner; they might go through the motions of dating, without ever really knowing why they’re doing it. The study noted that this lack of motivation was most commonly associated with avoidant attachment styles, as well as a lesser interest in being seriously romantically involved with others.

停用。根本没有明确的欲望（或理由）去追求一段关系。这些人可能对寻找伴侣的想法完全漠不关心；他们可能会经历约会的动作，却从未真正知道自己为什么这样做。研究指出，这种缺乏动力的情况最常见于回避型依恋风格，以及对与他人认真浪漫交往的兴趣较低。

Based on this six-factor framework, MacDonald and his research team assessed the extent to which these motivations influenced individuals’ desire to find a partner. In turn, they were able to predict which of these motivations — or mixture thereof — led to success in finding a romantic relationship.

基于这个六因素框架，MacDonald和他的研究团队评估了这些动机在多大程度上影响了个人寻找伴侣的愿望。反过来，他们能够预测这些动机中的哪一个——或两者的混合——导致了浪漫关系的成功。

Which Motivations Led to Romantic Success

哪些动机导致了浪漫的成功，

In the second half of the 2025 study, MacDonald and his co-authors assessed over 3,000 single adults’ motivations for finding a partner using their newly developed 24-item scale. Six months later, they checked in to see which of these participants were able to find a partner.

在2025年研究的下半年，MacDonald和他的合著者使用他们新开发的24项量表评估了3000多名单身成年人寻找伴侣的动机。六个月后，他们进行了登记，看看哪些参与者能够找到伴侣。

Overall, participants with intrinsic and identified motivations were much more likely to find a partner in the six-month timespan. That is, individuals who sought relationships because they viewed them as either enjoyable or personally valuable had more success than those who didn’t.

总体而言，具有内在和确定动机的参与者更有可能在六个月内找到伴侣。也就是说，那些因为认为人际关系愉快或个人价值而寻求人际关系的人比那些没有这种关系的人更成功。

So if, despite your best efforts, you haven’t quite found your person yet, the study’s results suggest that it might be worth taking a moment to ask yourself what’s actually driving your desire.

因此，如果尽管你尽了最大的努力，但你还没有完全找到自己的人，这项研究的结果表明，也许值得花点时间问问自己，是什么真正驱动了你的欲望。

We’re told so often that finding love is a milestone we have to strive for. In turn, we’ve come to equate relationships as signals of maturity, security, and even success. But the moment we internalize these reasonings is the moment we start chasing a relationship for reasons that don’t truly serve us in the grand scheme of life.

我们经常被告知，找到爱是我们必须努力的一个里程碑。反过来，我们已经把关系等同于成熟、安全甚至成功的信号。但当我们内化这些推理的那一刻，我们就开始追求一段关系，而这些原因在人生的宏伟蓝图中并不真正为我们服务。

These findings teach us that chasing a relationship to fix something within ourselves could be a sign that, in all likelihood, we aren’t ready for a relationship just yet. But once a partnership sounds enjoyable and fulfilling in its own right, without it serving to prove anything, then you’ve reached a better starting point.

这些发现告诉我们，追求一段关系来修复我们内心的某些东西可能是一个迹象，很可能，我们还没有为一段关系做好准备。但是，一旦一段合作关系本身听起来很愉快和充实，而没有证明任何事情，那么你就到达了一个更好的起点。

Love is something that, for a majority of people, you simply have to learn to grow into; it’s not a title or status you have to earn or vie for. The more honest you are with yourself about why you want it, the sooner you’ll find a partner who sees the good in sharing their life with you.

对于大多数人来说，爱是一种你必须学会成长的东西；这不是你必须赢得或争夺的头衔或地位。你越诚实地告诉自己为什么想要它，你就越早找到一个能看到与你分享生活好处的伴侣。

来源：左右图史