摘要：那个红塑料皮的日记本掉在田埂上时，我还以为是谁不小心丢的生产手册。那年头，啥都金贵，我捡起来，想着得给人送回去。可当我拍掉上面的泥，翻开第一页时，我浑身的血“嗡”地一下全冲上了头顶。那娟秀的字迹，一笔一划写的，全都是我的名字。
那个红塑料皮的日记本掉在田埂上时，我还以为是谁不小心丢的生产手册。那年头，啥都金贵，我捡起来，想着得给人送回去。可当我拍掉上面的泥，翻开第一页时，我浑身的血“嗡”地一下全冲上了头顶。那娟秀的字迹，一笔一划写的，全都是我的名字。
马栓柱，马栓柱，栓柱……
密密麻麻，像着了魔一样，占满了整整一页。我的手抖得像秋风里的筛子，心里头“咚咚”直跳，这…这不是我们大队新来的那个上海女知青，苏婉清的本子吗？我见过她用这本子。她怎么会……写我的名字？我一个大字不识几个的泥腿子，她一个城里来的文化人，我们俩，就像地里的土坷垃和天上的云彩，根本不是一回事啊！我做梦都不敢这么想。
我叫马栓柱，1976年的时候，我二十出头，是我们红星生产大队出了名的老实人，也是力气最大的人。除了跟着我爹下地挣工分，我脑子里就没别的。我们家穷，三代贫农，我娘常说，能吃饱饭，就是天大的福气了。
苏婉清她们那批知青，是76年开春才分到我们村的。她们一来，整个村子都跟炸了锅一样。尤其是苏婉清，我的天，我活了二十年，就没见过那么好看的姑娘。皮肤白的跟刚剥壳的鸡蛋似的，眼睛亮晶晶的，像夜里的星星。她不爱说话，总是抱着本书，安安静静地坐在知青点的门槛上，跟我们这些浑身泥土的人格格不入。
村里的小伙子们，背地里都叫她“白月光”，可没一个敢凑上去的。人家是城里人，吃商品粮的，将来肯定是要回城的。我们呢？就是地里刨食的命。大家心里都有数，不敢有啥非分之想。
第一次跟她有交集，是那年四月，大队组织挖排灌渠。那活儿累，太阳又毒，好几个男劳力都脱了层皮。苏婉清她们这些女知青，也被分派去运土。她哪干过这个，一担土压在她那瘦弱的肩膀上，脸憋得通红，走了几步就摔了一跤，簸箕里的土撒了一地。
周围的人都看着，有些碎嘴的婆娘还在一边偷偷笑。她咬着嘴唇，眼睛都红了，就是不哭，挣扎着想爬起来。那时候，大队书记的儿子钱伟，仗着自己有点权，嬉皮笑脸地走过去：“哎呦，苏同志，摔疼了吧？来来来，我帮你。”说着就要去扶她，那眼神里的不怀好意，谁都看得出来。
苏婉清往后缩了一下，躲开了他的手。
我能感觉到背后所有人的目光，火辣辣的。尤其是钱伟那要吃人的眼神。可我没回头。我就是觉得，一个姑娘家，背井离乡的，够可怜了，不该被人这么欺负。
从那天起，我发现苏婉清看我的眼神，好像有点不一样了。有时候在路上碰到，她会主动低下头，冲我轻轻地笑一下。那一下，我的天，比地里开了最艳的花还好看，我能高兴一整天，干活都觉得浑身是劲儿。
捡到日记本那天，是秋收。我正收工回家，路过知青点后面那片小树林，就看到了那个红色的本子。
我揣着那个本子，像是揣了个火炭，烫得我坐立不安。那天晚上，我一宿没睡好。我一个大男人，第一次为了这点事儿失眠。我把本子藏在我的枕头底下，翻来覆去地想。
最终，魔鬼战胜了天使。我实在是太想知道，她为什么，要写我的名字。
我就着昏暗的煤油灯，哆哆嗦嗦地又翻开了那个本子。我识字不多，都是小时候跟我爹学的几个，磕磕巴巴的，但看懂个大概还是不成问题。
“四月十二日，晴。今天差点摔倒在工地上，好丢人。钱伟的眼神像苍蝇一样，真恶心。还好有他……马栓柱。他什么也没说，就帮我把土挑走了，还给了我一个鸡蛋。那是我来这里以后，吃过的最好吃的东西。他的肩膀好宽，背影好踏实，像山一样。”
“五月三日，雨。下工的时候，田埂特别滑。我看到他一直不远不近地跟在我后面，我走一步，他才走一步。我知道，他是怕我再摔倒。他明明可以走得很快的。这个傻子。心里，有点暖。”
“六月二十日，阴。钱伟又来知青点门口堵我，说要给我送肉罐头。我没要。他正拉扯我的时候，马栓柱挑着水桶从井边路过，他没看我们，只是把水桶‘哐当’一声重重地放在地上，然后又挑起来走了。钱伟好像被吓到了，骂骂咧咧地走了。马栓柱，你是不是又在偷偷保护我？”
我看到她写自己夜里想家，躲在被子里哭；看到她写自己吃不惯粗粮，胃疼；看到她写自己对前途的迷茫和恐惧。而在这些灰暗的文字旁边，总会出现我的名字。
“今天又看到马栓柱了，他一个人能扛两百斤的麻袋，真厉害。”
“马栓柱的娘给了我一把自己种的青菜，真甜。”
读到我这个七尺高的汉子，眼泪再也忍不住，啪嗒啪嗒地掉在了那粗糙的纸页上。我这才明白，她写的哪里是我的名字，她写的，是她在这片陌生又冰冷的土地上，唯一能抓住的一点点温暖和安全感。而这点温暖，竟然是我，马栓柱，给的。
我突然感到一阵巨大的恐慌。我知道了她心底最深的秘密，这让我觉得，我好像偷了她最宝贵的东西。
我必须把日记本还给她。必须！
我想了一整天，终于想到了一个笨办法。
晚上，我算着她差不多该去公共水房洗漱的时间，就偷偷摸到了知青点后面的窗户下。那是她的房间，我听人说过。我把日记本用一块干净的布包好，想从窗户缝里塞进去。
我刚蹲下，就听到屋里传来压抑的哭声，是苏婉清的声音。紧接着，是钱伟那令人讨厌的公鸭嗓。
“你做梦！我死也不会跟你这种人在一起！”苏婉清的声音里带着哭腔，但很坚定。
“死？哼，你信不信，我有的是办法让你生不如死？别以为那个马栓柱能护着你，他一个泥腿子，我一句话就能让他去挖一辈子石头，连工分都拿不到！”
听到这里，我再也忍不住了。我脑子一热，一脚就踹开了那扇破木门。
我没说话，常年干农活练出的一身力气，在此刻全爆发了出来。我一把抓住他的衣领，像拎小鸡一样把他提了起来，顶在墙上。我红着眼睛，一字一句地从牙缝里挤出几个字：“你，再敢动她一下，我让你这辈子都下不了床。”
我的眼神可能太吓人了，钱伟腿都软了，哆哆嗦嗦地说：“你……你敢！我爹是……”
“我管你爹是谁！”我大吼一声，把他狠狠地甩在了地上。
我没看她，只是把怀里用布包好的日记本，轻轻放在她房间的桌子上，然后转身就走。走到门口，我顿了一下，背对着她说了一句：“以后，有我。”
说完，我就大步流星地消失在了夜色里。我心里又痛快又害怕。痛快的是，我终于像个男人一样保护了她。害怕的是，我得罪了钱伟，以后的日子，肯定不好过了。
0 butts， as expected， the next day， the brigade secretary found an excuse to cancel all my family's work points for that month， saying that I had damaged public property and threatened other members of the commune。 My mother cried all night。 In those days， no work points meant the whole family would starve。
Things got worse after that。 The brigade secretary， Qian We_s father， started assigning me the toughest and most dangerous jobs。 I was sent to the quarry to break rocks， a job that was usually a punishment for loafers。 Every day， I came back with bloody hands and an aching back， but the work points I earned were pitifully low。
But a strange thing happened。 Every morning， when I opened my door， I would find a boiled egg and two cornbread muffins on my doorstep。 At first， I didn_t know who it was。 Later， I saw Su Wanqing_s fleeting shadow in the early morning mist。
My mother saw it too。 She sighed and said， “Son， that girl is good， but she_s not someone we can afford to get involved with。 We are just dirt， and she is a bird in the sky。 She will fly away one day。“
One evening， Su Wanqing found me by the river。 It was the first time she had spoken to me so directly。
“Ma Shuanzhu，“ she said， her voice soft， “I'm sorry。 I've caused you trouble。“
I just shook my head， “It's not your fault。“
I， a man who could carry a two-hundred-pound sack of grain without a problem， suddenly felt tongue-tied。 I stammered for a long time， my face turning red， and finally managed to say， “You。。。 you are a good person。 You shouldn't be bullied。“
She suddenly smiled， a smile that was brighter than any I had ever seen。 “The diary。。。 thank you for sending it back。“
“I。。。 I didn't read it，“ I lied， my face burning。
My heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest。 All the hardship and injustice I had suffered seemed to vanish in that moment。
In late autumn of 1976， a huge piece of news spread through the countryside: the college entrance examination was going to be reinstated。 The educated youth could finally hope to return to the cities。
The entire educated youth station went wild with joy。 Everyone started studying day and night， preparing for the exam。 Su Wanqing was the most diligent of them all。 I often saw the light in her window on until late at night。
The day she left was a cold winter morning。 She was admitted to a university in Shanghai。 The whole village went to see her off。 Qian Wei and his father were nowhere to be seen; I heard that after the political climate changed， the old brigade secretary was under investigation。
I stood at the back of the crowd， not daring to go forward。
Just as she was about to get on the tractor that would take her to the county town， she suddenly turned around， pushed through the crowd， and walked straight towards me。
“Ma Shuanzhu，“ she looked into my eyes， her own eyes red。 “Wait for me。“
I was stunned。 The whole village was silent。
Wait for her What did that mean Did I， Ma Shuanzhu， a poor peasant， have the right to make a future university student from Shanghai wait
That day， I stood at the entrance of the village for a long， long time， until the sound of the tractor disappeared completely。 The light blue scarf was like a dream， soft and unreal。
She wrote to me。 Her first letter came a month later。 Her beautiful handwriting filled several pages， telling me about her life at the university， asking if my hands were still hurting， and reminding me to eat well。 I asked the village teacher to read it to me over and over again， and then I spent three nights trying to write a reply with my clumsy characters。
For the next few years， that light blue scarf and our correspondence became the center of my world。 I worked harder than ever， saving every penny。 I didn't know what I was waiting for， but those three words， “Wait for me，“ were a spell that gave me endless hope。
Now， decades have passed。 I'm an old man with grandchildren。 That red plastic-covered diary and that light blue scarf are still kept in the most precious box in my drawer。 My wife， a kind woman from a neighboring village I married a few years later， knows about it。 She once asked me if I regretted it。
I looked at the setting sun outside the window and smiled。 Regret No。 Not everyone's life is a grand epic。 My life is like the land I've tilled， simple and plain。 But because of that girl named Su Wanqing and that diary full of my name， my ordinary life was once illuminated by the brightest moonlight。 That light was enough to warm my entire youth， and it's enough to let me reminisce for the rest of my life。 That， my friends， is a blessing that money can't buy。
来源：小蔚观世界