摘要：《华尔街日报》曾刊登过一篇由美国知名爱情顾问Aleeza Ben Shalom撰写的相亲建议，她提出了五条实用的“约会成功指南”。

在影视剧中，“一见钟情”的情节屡见不鲜：主角遇见某人，仿佛全世界都静止，浪漫气氛瞬间拉满。

电视剧《爱你》剧照 图源：电视剧《爱你》微博

但在现实中，爱情需要经营。

《华尔街日报》曾刊登过一篇由美国知名爱情顾问Aleeza Ben Shalom撰写的相亲建议，她提出了五条实用的“约会成功指南”。

-1-

不建议AA制

在性别平等观念逐渐普及的今天，“谁买单”早已不只是一个简单的结账动作。每次约会结束的那一刻，总有人不经意地在心里权衡：是应该坚持AA，体现独立和平等，还是某一方请客，作为一种体贴或仪式感的表达？

在Shalom看来，无论多少钱，买单都是一种表达：你愿意投入，因为你珍惜他们的时间和陪伴。

它像一座桥，连接着两个紧张却充满期待、正在彼此了解的人。

这不是权力或性别的问题，也不意味着谁必须一直买单。关键在于，这个举动传递出一种真诚与开放的态度，是对“鼓起勇气赴约”的温柔回应。

Whether it's $1 or $100, paying for someone communicates your investment in them because you value their time and company. It's a way to bridge the gap between two hopeful, nervous, fact-finding individuals.

This shouldn't be about power or gender; the same person shouldn't have to pay every time. But the gesture is an expression of openness and optimism and can go a long way toward rewarding the vulnerability of simply showing up.

-2-

至少约会5次

如果你不讨厌对方，那就继续约会，直到你100%确定这段关系不适合你。

如果你还拿不准，那说明还没到做决定的时候。Shalom建议至少约会五次，如果五次后仍犹豫，那就继续了解。

When done right, dating is simply gathering information. Because it takes time to even begin scratching the surface of who this other person might be and who they might be with you, I tell my clients to commit to a minimum of five dates with someone. And if after five dates you're still not sure? When in doubt, go out.

-3-

别让身体亲密影响判断

身体接触很容易蒙蔽判断力，太快建立亲密关系可能让人误以为感情很深。

只要你用礼貌和善意表达自己的界限，大多数人都会愿意尊重你。但如果对方对此不满，那其实已经说明了他们是什么样的人。

如果能顺利走到第六次约会，并且彼此都相处得体，说明你们俩都是认真对待这段关系的。

Most people will be happy to respect your boundaries if you communicate them with kindness and courtesy. If someone pushes back, that will tell you a lot about who they are. Date six, when done right, is electric. If you make it that far, you'll know that both of you are there for the right reasons.

-4-

“火花”是可以培养的

许多人认为“化学反应”必须自然发生，但实际上，Shalom认为应当打破这种幻想——火花是可以主动点燃的。方法很简单：

放下手机，全程专注于对方。

直视对方眼睛，用名字称呼对方，认真倾听并追问细节。

放下“欲擒故纵”的游戏，真诚胜过套路。

The best ways to do this are simple, if not necessarily easy. First, put your phone away. You are allowed to look at it zero times on a date. Instead, look your date in the eyes, address him or her by name, ask questions, listen to the answers and follow up. I'm often surprised by just how many people don't quite appreciate the value of attention.

电视剧《苦尽柑来遇见你》剧照

-5-

不合适也要保持风度

即使最终不合适，也请感谢对方付出的时间与努力。每段经历都是自我认知的一部分——你在不断发现自己真正需要怎样的伴侣。

Even if this person isn't your person, they have given you their time and energy, so make sure to thank them. Keep it classy, and they'll keep you in mind.

专注过程，而非结果。就算没遇到对的人，你也会收获一段重要关系。

编辑：左卓

见习编辑：裴禧盈

实习生：林楚欣

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