摘要：“Shrekking” is the practice of purposely dating down so that you can have the upper hand in the relationship.Getting "Shrekked" is
'Shrekking' Is a Dating Trend That Has Its Risks
“怪物史莱克”是一种有风险的约会潮流
The "Shrekking" trend is about purposely "dating down" for a particular reason.
“怪物史莱克”潮流是指为了特定原因而故意“约会”的行为。
Posted September 21, 2025 | Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
发布于 2025 年 9 月 21 日 | Jessica Schrader 审阅
“Shrekking” is the practice of purposely dating down so that you can have the upper hand in the relationship.Getting "Shrekked" is when someone "lower on the dating hierarchy" doesn't treat you as well as you expect.Shrekking assumes that there is a clear dating hierarchy that everyone knows, accepts, and follows.
“Shrekking” 是一种故意降低约会对象的做法，这样你就能在恋爱关系中占据上风。被“Shrekked” 是指“约会等级较低”的人没有像你期望的那样善待你。《怪物史莱克》假设存在一个明确的约会等级制度，每个人都知道、接受并遵循这个制度。
What's being referred to as “Shrekking” on social media may seem a little ogre the top. It's the practice of purposely dating down—meaning dating someone whom you consider below your standards—so that you can have the upper hand in the relationship. The belief is that the other person should be so grateful to have you and therefore will keep going extra miles to keep you happy. However, Shrekking can lead to an unpleasant reckoning—or perhaps Shrekoning—when the supposedly inferior person doesn't treat you nearly as well as you expect. In fact, that person may even, gasp, end up dumping you, which is being called on social media "getting Shrekked."
社交媒体上所谓的“Shrekking”（怪物史莱克）可能听起来有点儿自大。它指的是故意降低约会标准——也就是和你认为低于你标准的人约会——以便你在恋爱关系中占据上风。这种做法认为，对方应该非常感激拥有你，因此会竭尽全力让你开心。然而，当那个所谓的“低人一等”对待你远不如你期望时，“Shrekking”（怪物史莱克）可能会导致一场不愉快的清算——或者说是“Shrekoning”（怪物史莱克）。事实上，那个人甚至可能最终甩了你，社交媒体上称之为“被怪物史莱克”。
Yep, you've got folks on TikTok saying stuff like "we've all been there" and then deeming a former significant other a Shrek. If you haven't figured it out yet, being described as a Shrek is typically not a compliment. "Kind of like Shrek" is not something to put on your dating profile, and "thank you" might not be your first response when your date says, "You remind me of Shrek." Shrek is that giant, green-skinned ogre, who's been the titular character of that DreamWorks animated film franchise. He was portrayed as not only being ugly in appearance but also somewhat ugly in personality at the beginning of the series. That was until he finally found his romantic match in Princess Fiona, who turned out to be more like Shrek than first realized.
是的，TikTok 上有人会说“我们都经历过那种事”，然后又把前任当成史莱克。如果你还没搞明白，被形容成史莱克通常不是什么恭维话。“有点像史莱克”可不是写在约会资料上的东西，而当你的约会对象说“你让我想起了史莱克”时，你的第一反应可能也不会是“谢谢”。史莱克就是那个巨大的绿皮肤怪物，是梦工厂动画电影系列的主角。在系列电影的开篇，他不仅长相丑陋，性格也略显丑陋。直到他最终找到了自己的另一半——菲奥娜公主，而菲奥娜公主比你最初意识到的更像史莱克。
Shrekking Is Deliberate and Not the Same as Compromising
史莱克是故意的，并不等同于妥协
Note that Shrekking is not the same as compromising, taking the time to get to know someone, or seeing the good in someone beyond superficial characteristics, as has been advanced in the Shrek movies. No, when you Shrek, you are deliberately dating someone whom you consider inferior, specifically so that you can have more control. When your significant other is so darn thankful to be with you, maybe you don't have to work as hard, hide your faults, or worry about that person leaving in any way. You aren't looking for an equal partner or perhaps not even a partner in a relationship. Instead, it's more like what Obi-Wan Kenobi told Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith: "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground."
请注意，怪物史莱克并不等同于妥协，不等同于花时间去了解某人，也不等同于像《怪物史莱克》电影中强调的那样，透过表面特征看到对方的优点。不，当你扮演怪物史莱克时，你是故意和一个你认为不如你的人约会，特别是为了更好地掌控局面。当你的另一半如此感激能和你在一起时，或许你不必那么努力，不必隐藏自己的缺点，也不必担心对方会以任何方式离开。你寻找的并非平等的伴侣，甚至可能根本不是伴侣。相反，这更像是《星球大战：西斯的复仇》中欧比旺·克诺比对阿纳金·天行者说的话：“一切都结束了，阿纳金，我占了上风。”
Shrekking Assumes That Everyone Subscribes to the Same Dating Hierarchy
《怪物史莱克》假设每个人都遵循相同的约会等级
A big assumption in Shrekking is that there is some kind of clearly established dating hierarchy that everyone subscribes to equally. In actuality, this isn't necessarily the case. It can be difficult to rank people dating-wise, especially in a way that's acceptable to everyone. Different people are going to weigh different things differently, such as looks versus income versus family pedigree versus type of job versus popularity versus amount of weight you can deadlift versus... oh, what about personality and values? Plus, a lot of these things are quite subjective. A person can be physically hot in some people's eyes yet quite lukewarm to others.
《怪物史莱克》中一个很大的假设是，存在某种清晰确立的约会等级制度，每个人都认同。但实际上并非如此。在约会方面，给人们排名可能很困难，尤其是以一种所有人都能接受的方式。不同的人会以不同的方式衡量不同的因素，比如外貌、收入、家族背景、工作类型、受欢迎程度、硬拉重量等等……哦，还有性格和价值观呢？而且，很多因素都非常主观。一个人可能在某些人眼中身材火辣，但在另一些人眼中却很冷淡。
Shrekking Assumes That Everyone Knows Where They Fall on the Dating Hierarchy
《怪物史莱克》假设每个人都知道自己在约会等级中处于什么位置
Another big set of assumptions is that everyone knows exactly where they rank in this hierarchy and are willing to accept this ranking. In other words, people whom you consider "beneath you" will simply say, "Yes, I realize that I suck compared to you." In reality, people can be notoriously bad at rating their own desirability. The dating pool is filled with people vastly overrating themselves, such as the dating profiles that tell you all you have to be just to have the privilege of going on a date with that person. On the flip side, many truly great catches may end up selling themselves short, like the model who still feels "ugly" or the physics professor who doesn't feel that smart. Unless both of you are willing to wear jersey numbers that represent your respective rankings, don't assume that you have any mutual agreement about who is above whom and by how much.
另一个重要的假设是，每个人都清楚地知道自己在这个等级体系中的排名，并且愿意接受这个排名。换句话说，那些你认为“比你差”的人会简单地说：“是的，我意识到我比你差。” 事实上，人们在评估自己的吸引力方面出了名的糟糕。约会圈里充斥着那些过高评价自己的人，比如那些约会资料会告诉你，为了获得与那个人约会的特权，你必须具备的一切。另一方面，许多真正优秀的对象最终可能会低估自己，比如仍然觉得自己“丑”的模特，或者觉得自己不那么聪明的物理教授。除非你们双方都愿意穿上代表各自排名的球衣号码，否则不要假设你们在谁比谁高以及高多少方面达成了共识。
Shrekking Doesn't Account for Time, Circumstances, and Change
《怪物史莱克》不考虑时间、环境和变化
Plus, nothing ever stays the same, with the possible exception of a fruitcake. Over time, looks, wealth, social connections, jobs, and even the amount each of you can deadlift can evolve. You and the other person's perception of these characteristics can change as well. As you get to know each other better, more superficial things tend to fall on the list of priorities, supplanted by things that are more core to compatibility and the relationship. Speaking of core, your amazing abs can carry you only so far for so long. The same is true with your luscious legs, sexy paychecks, or hot job. What people value early on in dating is not necessarily the same as when you are deep into a relationship.
而且，没有什么是一成不变的，或许除了一个水果蛋糕。随着时间的推移，外貌、财富、社会关系、工作，甚至你们各自的硬拉重量都会发生变化。你和对方对这些特质的认知也会发生变化。随着你们彼此了解的加深，一些肤浅的东西往往会被优先考虑，取而代之的是那些对彼此的契合度和感情发展更为核心的东西。说到核心，你那令人惊叹的腹肌只能支撑你走这么久。你那迷人的双腿、诱人的薪水或火爆的工作也是如此。人们在约会初期看重的东西，与你们深入交往时并不一定相同。
So one big risk with Shrekking is that your position on the so-called higher ground can change. Who's to say that your ranking won't tumble like the value of Dogecoin and the other person's value won't go the opposite direction? Such changes can dramatically change the dynamics of your relationship. And if your relationship was largely based on the initial power differential, then this could leave you with little to hold you together anymore.
所以，史莱克的一大风险在于，你所谓的“高地”地位可能会发生变化。谁能保证你的排名不会像狗狗币的价值一样暴跌，而对方的价值不会反过来呢？这种变化可能会极大地改变你们关系的动态。如果你们的关系很大程度上建立在最初的权力差异之上，那么这可能会让你们的关系变得不再那么牢固。
Ultimately, Relationships Are About Fit and Compatibility
最终，关系关乎契合和兼容性
Given all of the above, Shrekking can work if both of you are OK with the arrangement and maintaining it. If you are someone who needs to have the upper hand, then maybe you can find someone willing to cede such control to you in exchange for what you can offer. For example, maybe someone is willing to put up with all your nonsense and willing to suck up to you simply because you or your paycheck are just so darn great.
综上所述，如果双方都同意并坚持这种安排，那么“怪物史莱克”模式是可行的。如果你是一个需要占上风的人，那么也许你可以找到一个愿意将这种控制权交给你，以换取你所能提供的东西的人。比如，也许有人愿意忍受你所有的胡言乱语，愿意奉承你，仅仅是因为你或你的薪水实在是太高了。
Therefore, as is the case with all types of relationships, being open and frank with each other can help. If you truly feel that you are dating down, consider telling the other person. While such a revelation can be initially uncomfortable, it's better for the other person to know where he or she stands so that the person can choose whether to remain in the relationship.
因此，就像所有类型的关系一样，彼此坦诚相待会有所帮助。如果你真的觉得自己的感情正在走下坡路，不妨告诉对方。虽然一开始可能会让人感到不舒服，但最好让对方知道自己的处境，这样他们才能选择是否继续这段关系。
Things are likely to end up badly when there's a fundamental mismatch in what both of you have, want, and need. Just like Princess Fiona eventually revealed her true colors—namely green—the truth will eventually emerge. It can be hard for you to hide your disdain when you don't really respect the other person or deep down feel that you deserve someone "better." At the same time, the other person can grow quite resentful when you clearly don't put enough effort into the relationship.
当你们双方拥有的、想要的和需要的从根本上不匹配时，事情很可能会以糟糕的结局收场。就像菲奥娜公主最终显露出她的真面目——也就是绿色——一样，真相终将大白。当你不真正尊重对方，或者内心深处觉得自己值得拥有一个“更好的人”时，你可能很难掩饰自己的不屑。同时，当你明显没有在这段感情中付出足够的努力时，对方可能会变得非常怨恨。
Instead of Shrekking, you may want to figure out why you have to have the so-called upper hand in relationships rather than more of an equal partnership. Otherwise, if you continue to Shrek, you could end up in a wreck of a relationship.
与其像怪物史莱克那样，你或许应该想明白，为什么在感情中你必须占据所谓的优势，而不是更平等的伙伴关系。否则，如果你继续像怪物史莱克那样，最终可能会让感情破裂。
来源：左右图史
