学会接纳异己，是成年人的人生功课

摘要：一个时代、一个国家，更不用说一群人，其观念往往是错误的。这当然不妨碍人们依然能混日子。比如说，价值观相同才能成为朋友，价值观一致的人才能走得更远。这样的话听着有道理，其实害人不浅。甚至专家们也论证现代战争不是利益之争而是价值观之争。事实上，追求相同是不可能持续

一个时代、一个国家，更不用说一群人，其观念往往是错误的。这当然不妨碍人们依然能混日子。比如说，价值观相同才能成为朋友，价值观一致的人才能走得更远。这样的话听着有道理，其实害人不浅。甚至专家们也论证现代战争不是利益之争而是价值观之争。事实上，追求相同是不可能持续的，和而不同才有生机活力。我中国文化早就明白，同则不继，和实生物。一个心理学家说，学会接纳异己是所有成年人的人生功课。古人说，君子群而不党，小人党而不群。现在的微信群动不动吵得一塌糊涂，退群或把人踢出群，就是中了这类观念的毒害。

一时代、一邦国，遑论一族之人，其观念每多谬误。然此固无妨世人循生度日。譬如言“价值观同方可为友，志同者乃能久远”，闻之似有理，实则为祸甚深。乃至专家亦论今世之战非利之争，乃价值观之争也。然实则求同不可久持，和而不同方得生机。我中华文化早喻此理，“同则不继，和实生物”是也。有心理学者言：“学会接纳异己，是诸成人之人生功课。”古人云：“君子群而不党，小人党而不群。”今之微信群动辄争吵狼藉，或退群、或逐人，皆为此类观念所害也。

An era, a nation, let alone a group of people, often holds mistaken notions. Yet this does not prevent people from merely getting by. For instance, it is said that only those with shared values can be friends, and only those aligned in values can journey far together. Such words may sound reasonable, but in fact, they are deeply harmful. Even experts argue that modern warfare is not about competition for interests but about clashes of values. In reality, the pursuit of uniformity is unsustainable; true vitality lies in harmony amid diversity. Chinese culture long ago understood this: “Uniformity cannot endure; harmony gives birth to life.” A psychologist once remarked, “Learning to accept those with differing views is a life lesson for all adults.” The ancients said, “The noble gather in groups but do not form factions; the petty form factions but do not gather in groups.” Today, WeChat groups often descend into chaos, with members leaving or being expelled—symptoms of the poison of such misguided notions.

汉语目击道存，声入心通，其展开极简单。古代形容圣人，都强调其聪智；圣与听本来也就是同一个词。聪是耳朵听的能力，故圣人之圣，从耳，从口。说得出，听得懂，就是圣人。孔子的人生阶段成绩：“六十而耳顺”，竟比五十而知天命还要重大。“耳顺者，声入心通。”发言者心生言立，听闻者声入心通，两心相印，才能形成一次透彻深刻的意义传达。一个哲学教授说，印欧语系等语言需要思辨也长于逻辑思维，他曾看到不少学生初读西方哲学著作时，经常用手按住句子来回看。中文系教授则说，我们汉语不大用手，绝大多数篇什诵读就清楚了。

汉语目击道存，声入心通，其用甚简。古之形容圣人，皆重其聪智；圣与听本同词也。聪者，耳之能也，故圣人之圣，从耳，从口。言得发，声可通，斯为圣人。孔子言其行年之得：“六十而耳顺”，竟重于五十而知天命。“耳顺者，声入心通也。”发言者，心有所思，言随以立；听闻者，声入心通，默契神会，方能成一次透彻之意义传达。尝闻一哲学教授言，印欧语系之语，需思辨而长于逻辑，彼尝见学生初读西哲之书，常以手按句，反复观之。中文教授则云，吾汉语少用手，诵之即明矣。

In Chinese, the Dao is present when the eyes behold, and the heart understands when sound enters. Its application is extremely simple. Ancient descriptions of sages all emphasize their sharp hearing and wisdom; indeed, “sage” and “to hear” were originally the same word. “Sharp hearing” refers to the ear’s ability, hence the character for “sage” is composed of “ear” and “mouth” .To be able to express oneself clearly and understand others’ words is to be a sage. Confucius’s achievement at a certain stage of life, “At sixty, my ears obey,” is even more significant than “At fifty, I understood the Mandate of Heaven.” “Ears obeying means sound enters and the heart understands.” The speaker, with thought in mind, forms words; the listener, with sound entering, understands in the heart. Only when two hearts resonate can a thorough and profound transmission of meaning occur. A philosophy professor once said that languages like Indo-European require deliberation and excel in logical thinking; he had seen many students, when first reading Western philosophical works, often pressing their hands on sentences to read them over and over. A professor of Chinese literature, however, remarked that our Chinese language seldom requires this; for the vast majority of texts, reading them aloud makes them clear.

39岁的丁远昭穿着外卖服在街头穿梭。这位2004年清华大学化工系毕业生，手握北大硕士、南洋理工博士、牛津大学硕士三张顶尖文凭，如今外卖为生。消息传出，评论区炸了：“寒窗二十年，就为跑腿？”王玮兄写诗说：

星洲难久滞，回国觅生机。

诚知命难改，仍穿外卖衣。

昔日同窗辈，为官或为师。

偶逢旧相识，低眉速驰离。

高考放榜日，网络传其辞：

莫以成败论，前路未可知。

纵使登金榜，亦或共驱驰。

闻者皆叹息，世事竟如斯！

寒窗二十载，终送外卖去。

丁君坦然对，有业未足嗤。

凭力谋衣食，俯仰何愧之！

学问求高远，饭碗亦当思。

不羡朱门贵，风雨当自持。

我闻丁生事，长叹复长思。

人生如棋局，时运岂可知？

但使心无愧，何计世人语！

愿君且珍重，得失两由之。

留得青山在，不负有柴时。

丁远昭者，年三十九，着外卖之服，驰骋于街衢。此子乃二千零四年清华大学化工系之毕业生也，身怀北大硕士、南洋理工博士、牛津大学硕士三重顶尖文凭，今竟以送外卖为生。消息既出，评论区哗然：“寒窗二十载，竟只为跑腿耶？”王玮兄赋诗云：

Ding Yuanzhao, aged 39, clad in an delivery uniform, weaves through the streets. This graduate of the Department of Chemical Engineering from Tsinghua University in 2004, holding three top-tier diplomas from Peking University (master’s), Nanyang Technological University (doctorate), and the University of Oxford (master’s), now makes a living as a delivery person. When the news spread, the comment sections exploded: “Twenty years of hard study, just to run errands?”Brother Wang Wei wrote a poem saying:Hard to stay long in Singapore,Return home to seek a path anew.Truly know fate is hard to change,Still clad in this delivery suit.Former classmates from bygone days,Now officials or teachers they became.Occasionally meeting an old acquaintance,Lower the brow, speedily ride away.On the day the college entrance exam results were posted,His words spread across the internet:“Do not judge by success or failure,The future remains unknown.Even if one tops the golden list,One might still ride the same carriage.Hearers all sighed,How things turn out like this!Twenty years of hard study,In the end, delivering takeout.Ding calmly responds,Having a job is no cause for ridicule.Providing for oneself through labor,What shame is there in looking up or down?Pursue knowledge for loftier goals,One must also think of the means to eat.Do not envy the noble gates’ wealth,One must endure the wind and rain oneself.I hear of Ding’s story,A long sigh, then long contemplation.Life is like a chess game,How can one know the tides of fortune?But if the heart is without guilt,Why mind the words of the world!Wish you to take care,Let gains and losses be as they may.As long as the green mountains remain,One will not fail when firewood is needed.”

人们多以为现代战争可以短得几小时搞定，“灭此朝食”，或“回营，其酒尚温”，但也有长达数年之久，无数的家庭家破人亡。一个诗人说，有一天他独自在家做饭，看战争报道，想到现代人享有的福利如此之多，想到二百多年前，东西方之间还基本隔绝，交流之人寥寥可数。比如马礼逊冒着危险学习汉语，独自编成了《华英字典》；二百年后的今天，人们受惠于东西方的互利而多不自知。诗人情难自已，赋诗说：

其一，蝉衣蜕尽暑初成，沸满乾坤竟杀声。二百年来沧海变，人间热毒听蝉鸣。

其二，巴别塔封隔海烟，马公灯烬字初传。东西生克谁知道，薪火人间鼎鼐煎。

其三，自斫青菘煮玉粳，舌尖史乘暗潮生。万邦珠粟同炊饮，烛泪枯时天籁清。

马礼逊和《华英字典》第一卷封面

人多以为，现代战争可短促至数小时而定，如“灭此朝食”之速，或“回营，其酒尚温”之疾。然亦有绵延数载，致使无数家庭破败，生灵涂炭者。有诗人言，一日独居炊饭，观战争报道，念及现代人享福利之多，复思二百余年前，东西方几近隔绝，往来者寥寥无几。譬如马礼逊，冒死习汉语，独编《华英字典》成书；及至二百年后之今日，世人受东西方互利之惠，多懵然不自知也。诗人感怀难抑，赋诗云：

其一：蝉衣蜕尽暑初成，沸满乾坤竟杀声。二百年来沧海变，人间热毒听蝉鸣。

其二：巴别塔封隔海烟，马公灯烬字初传。东西生克谁知道，薪火人间鼎鼐煎。

其三：自斫青菘煮玉粳，舌尖史乘暗潮生。万邦珠粟同炊饮，烛泪枯时天籁清。

Many people believe that modern warfare can be resolved in just a few hours, as swift as “eliminate them and have breakfast,” or “return to camp, the wine is still warm.” However, there are also wars that last for years, causing countless families to be destroyed and lives lost. A poet once said that one day, while cooking alone at home and watching war reports, he reflected on how modern people enjoy so many conveniences. He thought back two hundred years ago, when the East and West were largely isolated from each other, with only a handful of people exchanging contact. For example, Robert Morrison risked his life to learn Chinese and compiled the “Chinese-English Dictionary” all by himself. Two hundred years later today, people benefit from the mutual advantages between the East and the West, often without realizing it. Overwhelmed by emotion, the poet composed these verses:I.The cicada’s shell shed, summer newly born,The universe seethes with the clamor of war.Two hundred years have turned the sea into a vast change,Listening to the cicada’s cry, the world’s heat and poison.II.The Tower of Babel sealed, the sea of mist divides,Mazu’s lamp flickers out, the characters just begin to spread.Who knows the mutual generation and overcoming between East and West?The cooking fire in the world, the cauldron and tripod simmer.III.Self-harvesting green vegetables, boiling jade-like rice,On the tip of the tongue, history and legends, dark tides rise.Nations’ pearls and grains cooked together,When the candle tears dry, the sounds of nature are clear.

钱理群老师等人编写的《安顺城记》是一个了不起的工作，多年前听他讲写作情况。他们“仿《史记》的体制”，进行撰写“地方志”的全新实验，安顺本地的传说写为“本纪”，安顺历代的大家族要写为为“世家”，对安顺有重大功过的人物要写为“列传”，还有表、志等等。安顺人由此“被描写”到“自己描写自己”，最后走到全国地方文化研究的前列，这是比近年各地的传记更有意义的事情。钱老师说，安顺的山水清幽奇雄，安顺的人则有厚净之风。这应该是一个地方文化总结的典范。

《安顺城记》

钱理群、戴明贤、袁本良、顾久主编，杜应国总纂

贵州人民出版社，2020年版

钱理群先生等所纂《安顺城记》，乃卓荦之业也。多年前，尝闻先生述其撰述之况。彼等“仿《史记》之体”，以行撰“地方志”之新试。安顺本土之传说，著为“本纪”；历代望族，著为“世家”；于安顺有功过彰著者，著为“列传”；复有表、志诸篇。由此，安顺之人，自“被书写”而“自书其事”，终跻身全国地方文化研究之先列。此较近年各地所出传记，其意尤深。钱先生云：安顺山水，清幽奇雄；安顺之人，则有淳厚洁净之风。此诚可谓一方文化之典范总结也。

The work Anshun City Record, compiled by Professor Qian Liqun and others, is a remarkable achievement. Years ago, I had the chance to listen to him discuss the writing process. They “modeled after the system of Records of the Grand Historian,” conducting a novel experiment in writing a “local chronicle.” Anshun’s local legends were written as “Basic Annals,” its prominent families through the ages as “Hereditary Houses,” and figures of significant merit or demerit to Anshun as “Biographical Accounts.” There were also tables and treatises, etc. Through this, the people of Anshun transitioned from being “described” to “describing themselves,” ultimately placing them at the forefront of national local culture research. This is a matter of greater significance than the biographies published in various places in recent years. Professor Qian said that Anshun’s mountains and waters are serene, peculiar, and majestic, and its people possess a character marked by profound purity and integrity. This should serve as a model for summarizing local culture.

陈行甲兄为官为文，都可圈可点。做公益事业后，他又去自学心理学知识。这是我最近听到的极感人的消息。是的，我们活着，多多少少有这样那样困难和心理问题，人类的经验和智慧如今唾手可得，但一些人仍靠自己摸索着过生活，听任自己长年处在黑暗之中，影响自己和家人。有些人遇到问题就会抱怨，遇到困难裹足不前，行甲兄则去学习，行动。我跟人说，他学心理学跟年轻人在上学上班之间选择上香有相似处，都是为了了解命运。有的人重在了解别人安慰别人，有的人重在了解自己安慰自己。

陈行甲兄为官为文，皆可称道。既从事公益事业，复自学心理学。此乃近日所闻极感人之讯息也。诚然，吾辈生者，或多或少，皆有其困厄与心结。人类之经验智慧，今已俯拾即是，然犹有人，仍恃己之力，懵懂度日，听任己身长陷昏暗，累己及亲。或遇事辄怨，遇难则止。行甲兄则不然，惟勤学力行而已。吾尝谓人，其习心理学，与少年择于上学、上班间而往焚香，有相似处，皆欲以明己运也。人各有志，或重在知人而慰人，或重在知己而自慰。

Brother Chen Xingjia excels both in public service and in writing, each worthy of praise. After engaging in public welfare, he further took it upon himself to study psychology. This is the most touching piece of news I’ve heard recently. Indeed, in our lives, we all face varying degrees of difficulties and psychological issues. The experience and wisdom of humanity are now readily accessible, yet some still navigate life through trial and error, allowing themselves to remain in darkness for years, affecting both themselves and their families. Some complain when problems arise or hesitate when faced with difficulties. But Brother Xingjia chooses to learn and take action. I’ve told people that his study of psychology is somewhat akin to young people choosing to go to incense temples between going to school and working—it’s all for the purpose of understanding one’s destiny. People have different focuses: some prioritize understanding and comforting others, while others focus on understanding and comforting themselves.

萨特热爱生命，但他更热爱工作，不让任何时间冷场。萨特从青年时就大量使用“科利德兰”（一种兴奋剂），他用透支健康资本的方式，为当下赋予意义。萨特说：“人像一粒种子偶然地飘落到这个世界上，没有任何本质可言，只有存在着。要想确立自己的本质，必须通过自己的行动来证明。人不是别的东西，而仅仅是他自己行动的结果。”我个人曾有过萨特那样透支生命的日子，现在的我更认可朱熹所倡导的，半日读书，半日静坐。

萨特好生，然尤嗜其业，不使片时虚度。自少壮时，即多服“科利德兰”（兴奋剂之一种），以透支其身之资，为当下营其意。萨特有言：“人犹一粒种子，偶落尘世，本无定质，唯存而已。欲立其质，必假己行之证。人非他物，唯其行之所成也。”吾昔尝有透支生命如萨特之日，今则更信朱熹所倡，半日读书，半日静坐。

Sartre loved life, but he loved work even more, never allowing any time to go idle. From his youth, he heavily used “Coridilan” (a stimulant), depleting his health reserves to give meaning to the present moment. Sartre said, “Man is like a seed that accidentally drifts into this world; he has no essence, only existence. To establish his essence, one must prove it through one’s own actions. Man is nothing else but the result of his own actions.” Personally, I once had days of depleting my life like Sartre. Now, I more readily embrace what Zhu Xi advocated: half a day reading, half a day in quiet contemplation.

天道如何，吞恨者多 | 余世存杂记054人类的悲欢并不相通 | 余世存杂记053

人必须说很多话才能保持沉默 | 余世存杂记101

生活不全是年轻人的，生活更不应该让给那些糟糕的人 | 余世存杂记102

自己寻找安顿的地方 | 余世存杂记103

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