刘凯老师解析:文章讲述的是关于一名10岁的男孩Drake在紧急情况下驾驶祖父的卡车,并成功挽救了祖父的生命的感人故事。描述了事情的经过:祖父Hugh在驾驶卡车时突然失去意识,Drake通过母亲Jessica的指导,冷静地接管了车辆并安全停车,还拨打了急救电话,最终祖父得到了及时救助。摘要:刘凯老师解析:文章讲述的是关于一名10岁的男孩Drake在紧急情况下驾驶祖父的卡车,并成功挽救了祖父的生命的感人故事。
写作要点【刘凯老师解析】:
活动内容:根据2025年东城区期末这个作文属于介绍活动的具体内容。
这里刘凯老师选择了“探索生物学与环境科学的联系”,并详细描述了湿地公园考察的具体活动,例如水质检测和保护生物多样性讨论。
确保语言简洁、层次分明,突出实践性和学习价值。
邀请内容:
明确活动时间和地点,例如“Saturday morning from 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m.”
表达邀请的诚意,例如“Please let me know if you’re interested”。
词数控制:注意题目要求在100词左右。范文中词数大约为95,符合要求。
语言表达:
使用礼貌和热情的语气,如“Looking forward to your reply”。
使用准确的词汇,如“interdisciplinary learning activity”和“hands-on experience”。
角色和背景:
你是红星中学学生李华。
你所在的 “科学社” 要开展一次跨学科综合实践活动。
你的好友 Jim 在国际部学习。
任务要求:
用英语给 Jim 写一封邮件。
邮件内容需包括:
活动内容。
发出邀请。
提示词和注意事项:
提示词:跨学科综合实践活动(interdisciplinary learning activity)。
注意事项:
词数 100 左右。
开头(Dear Jim,)和结尾(Yours, Li Hua)已给出,不计入总词数。
句式多样化
使用复合句:
刘凯老师组句: “We will have group discussions, hands - on experiments, and creative presentations.”
刘凯老师组句高级版:“We will have a series of activities, including group discussions where we can exchange ideas, hands - on experiments which enable us to apply theoretical knowledge, and creative presentations through which we can showcase our innovative thinking.”
这里将简单句改为包含定语从句的复合句,使句子更加丰富。
使用非谓语动词:
刘凯老师组句:“I sincerely invite you to join us. It will be a great opportunity for you to learn and have fun with us.”
刘凯老师组句高级版:“I sincerely invite you to join us, providing you with a great opportunity to learn and have fun.”
这里使用了现在分词 “providing” 作状语,使句子更加紧凑。
刘凯老师高级句式
倒装句:“Not only will you gain knowledge from different subjects, but you will also make new friends.”(你不仅能从不同学科中获取知识,还能交到新朋友。)这种倒装句能够强调句子中的内容,使语气更加强烈。
强调句:“It is this interdisciplinary learning activity that will broaden your horizons.”(正是这次跨学科学习活动将拓宽你的视野。)强调句可以突出重要信息,引起读者注意。
虚拟语气:“If you were to participate in this activity, you would find it extremely rewarding.”(如果你参加这次活动,你会发现它非常有意义。)虚拟语气可以使语气更加委婉、客气,同时也能体现语言的复杂性。
独家原创写作:
Dear Jim,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. Our Science Club is about to launch an interdisciplinary learning endeavor. This event will integrate knowledge from various fields such as science, mathematics, and art. We will engage in a series of activities, including group discussions where we can exchange ideas, hands - on experiments which enable us to apply theoretical knowledge, and creative presentations through which we can showcase our innovative thinking.
I sincerely invite you to participate in this activity, providing you with a great opportunity to learn and have fun. Not only will you gain knowledge from different subjects, but you will also make new friends. It is this interdisciplinary learning activity that will broaden your horizons.
Yours,
Li Hua
刘凯老师构思
1. 明确写作目的:写作任务是给好友Jim写信,邀请他参加一个跨学科综合实践活动。重点是:
活动内容: 具体说明活动的主题、地点、形式和目标。
发出邀请: 表达真诚的邀请,并提供必要的信息(时间、地点、意义等)。
2. 确定结构:
开头: 寒暄并点明写信目的。
主体: 分两(三/四)段:
活动内容:介绍活动的主题、亮点和安排。
邀请细节:说明时间、地点,强调意义,并表达希望对方参加。
结尾: 提醒对方尽快回复并表达期待。
遣词造句技巧
用词精准:
活动主题: 使用专业术语和具体表达,如“interdisciplinary learning activity”(跨学科学习活动)、“ecosystem”(生态系统)、“biodiversity”(生物多样性)。
活动意义: 强调价值和体验,用词如“gain hands-on experience”(获得实践经验)、“explore connections”(探索联系)。
避免重复:
替换简单词汇,如用“participate”代替“join in”,用“an enriching experience”代替“a good activity”。
自然过渡:
用衔接词使逻辑清晰,如“Furthermore, we will...”(此外,我们还会……)、“It’s a great opportunity to…”(这是一个绝佳机会……)。
高级句式的运用
要提升作文档次,可以适当加入高级句式,包括定语从句、状语从句、名词性从句、分词结构、倒装等。以下是具体方法:
1. 使用定语从句:
原句:We will visit a local wetland park to study its ecosystem.
高级:We will visit a local wetland park, which is well-known for its rich biodiversity, to study its ecosystem.
2. 使用状语从句:
原句:Please let me know if you’re interested so I can reserve a spot for you.
高级:Please let me know as soon as possible, so that arrangements can be made in advance.
3. 使用名词性从句:
原句:The activity will focus on exploring biology and environmental science.
高级:The main focus of the activity is how biology is interconnected with environmental science.
4. 分词结构:
原句:We will conduct water quality tests and discuss biodiversity protection.
高级:Conducting water quality tests and discussing biodiversity protection, we aim to gain a deeper understanding of the ecosystem.
5. 倒装句式:
原句:It’s a great chance to gain hands-on experience.
高级:Not only is it a great chance to gain hands-on experience, but it also allows us to learn from experts.
润色与表达提升
加入情感和个性化表达:
原句:I hope this email finds you well.
提升:I hope everything is going smoothly on your end.
原句:I believe it will be an unforgettable experience.
提升:I firmly believe this will turn out to be an unforgettable and inspiring experience.
增强说服力:
原句:It’s a great opportunity to learn.
提升:It’s a golden opportunity to delve deeper into the fascinating connection between biology and environmental science, which will undoubtedly broaden your horizons.
呼应对方兴趣:
可以提到对方的兴趣或优势,如:
“Given your keen interest in environmental issues, I think this activity would be a perfect fit for you.”
刘凯老师独家高级版:
Dear Jim,
I hope everything is going smoothly on your end. I’m writing to share some exciting news and extend a warm invitation to you. Our science club is organizing an interdisciplinary learning activity next week, and I believe you’ll find it fascinating.
The activity revolves around exploring the connection between biology and environmental science. We’ll visit a local wetland park, which is renowned for its rich biodiversity, to study its ecosystem. During the visit, we’ll conduct water quality tests, identify various plant and animal species, and discuss practical ways to protect biodiversity. Not only will this activity provide hands-on experience, but it will also be an eye-opening opportunity to learn from field experts.
The event is scheduled for this Saturday morning, from 8:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m., and transportation will be provided. Given your passion for environmental issues, I think this would be an ideal chance for you to further explore your interests. Please let me know as soon as possible if you’d like to join us, so I can reserve a spot for you.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon!
Yours,
Li Hua
来源:轩怡教育